Dating won't be fixed by an algorithm
Also: Wet Gosling, tradwife trolling, and more in the weekend roundup.
A couple weeks ago, Bumble launched a campaign targeting women who are “exhausted” by dating—but, really, men.
The swipe-based app posted memes of fatigued-looking women being cornered by men saying things like, “You’re the only girl I’m talking to” and “Have you heard of crypto?” Bumble, once known for being women-friendly, also ran billboards reading, “You know full well a vow of celibacy is not the answer” and “Thou shalt not give up on dating and become a nun.” The company debuted a commercial, too: a fed-up woman runs off to join a convent.
The campaign was meant to promote improvements to the app, including better matches and new messaging options, but it really sounded more like Bumble was commanding women to get out there and fuck some men.
The backlash was swift. No surprise there, especially in this particular cultural moment, when users are rebelling against the “enshittification” of dating apps, women are being told to get back in the kitchen, and the 4B Movement to sexually, romantically, and reproductively boycott men is going viral. Also, Roe v. Wade is dead, the right is coming after contraception, they’re trying to end no-fault divorce—I could go on!
Well, this week Bumble was forced to apologize. “We made a mistake,” the company said on Instagram. “Our ads referencing celibacy were an attempt to lean into a community frustrated by modern dating, and instead of bringing joy and humor, we unintentionally did the opposite.” Here’s the thing, though: they weren’t targeting “a community frustrated by modern dating.” They were targeting women frustrated by men—and not just individual men but also the culture that creates and enables them.
That is more than any app can fix.
To the links…
In response to the Bumble controversy, the dating app Feeld introduced the option for users to add a “celibacy” tag to their profiles. Also, Maria Yagoda brilliantly asks: “Has a celibate woman become more threatening than a sexual one?”
Carvell Wallace on challenging masculine narratives, in part by “having honest, loving relationships with women and femme people.”
has some midlife-crisis reads for the happily married.Andrew Scott narrated some audio erotica(!).
I watched The Fall Guy and, sorry, it feels very 2008 of me, but Ryan Gosling is a gem. Also: I knew TikTok would deliver all the Wet Gosling edits.