Even the bare description of how lonely and not intimate it can be to live with a spouse hit me hard. I remember that feeling- like I was forever moving from box to box- each one a role that I performed- wife, mother, daughter, coworker, friend….each box held the version others wanted but none held the totality of me and I had no idea how to fix that.
“Without a child I could dance across the sexism of my era,” she says, “whereas becoming a mother shoved my face right down into it.” I think a version of this several times a week.
“Cultural norms trap the protagonist of All Fours in the performance of wife and mother; she is stuck in the “dangerous lie” of making herself comprehendible to her husband. Her dilemma is that all those glittering pieces of glass create a sense of fracture and contradiction, as opposed to richness and multiplicity.” Wow. So often I’ve felt that the work that comes after motherhood is integration: integrating all my different selves into one.
This sounds amazing, going on top of my wishlist of books to read!
Even the bare description of how lonely and not intimate it can be to live with a spouse hit me hard. I remember that feeling- like I was forever moving from box to box- each one a role that I performed- wife, mother, daughter, coworker, friend….each box held the version others wanted but none held the totality of me and I had no idea how to fix that.
Oof. I feel the ache of it just reading your words. Thanks for sharing.
“Without a child I could dance across the sexism of my era,” she says, “whereas becoming a mother shoved my face right down into it.” I think a version of this several times a week.
I remember one of my first post-birth mom groups as a very aha moment. I thought I’d already had all my ahas. Boy was I wrong.
So many aha's since then, and they keep coming!
“Cultural norms trap the protagonist of All Fours in the performance of wife and mother; she is stuck in the “dangerous lie” of making herself comprehendible to her husband. Her dilemma is that all those glittering pieces of glass create a sense of fracture and contradiction, as opposed to richness and multiplicity.” Wow. So often I’ve felt that the work that comes after motherhood is integration: integrating all my different selves into one.
This sounds amazing, going on top of my wishlist of books to read!
YES. So well put. Something I’ve been thinking about a lot!